Happy [Insert Occasion] Tee Size:5XL but sometimes lying is just

but sometimes lying is just fun

You really think it's going to work out well when you go in there to purposefully piss them off

say something like "I know other people are getting paid more for the same work

Being tired when you want to go to sleep is awesome

Wear this the next time you testify in court to add some credibility to what you're saying

Happy [Insert Occasion] Tee Size:5XL but sometimes lying is justI'm probably getting a vasectomy this year. My two kids are amazing and I love them more than anything, but I don't think we've got the bandwidth for a third. I want to celebrate it sort of like a bris, with a bunch of loved ones milling around the waiting room eating hors d'oeuvres and enjoying each other's company. Then I emerge from the surgical suite, wearing a jockstrap full of ice (or so I'm told), and everyone cheers for me and gives little